|....."Excuse me sir, but can't you read the signs? I'm afraid you're not allowed to smoke in here."|
....."Course I can read the signs, I'm not illiterate. I don't know - everybody seems to be nagging me today. I had a bellyful from my wife this morning: "You shouldn't smoke dear, it's bad for your health, blah, blah, blah..." Then the kids joined in, "That's right dad, you shouldn't smoke, blah, blah, blah..." now you."
....."Yes, I'm sorry sir, but..."
....."My doctor, he's the same. Always telling me to give it up. What do doctors know, tell me that? Think you can just snap your fingers and stop just like that..."
....."Well, let me tell you, you can't. It's not that easy. I've been smoking a long time and it's never done me any harm."
....."I'm sure, sir, but there's others to consider."
....."Others? Others! What others? Have you complained? Have you? How about you? No. What's a little bit of smoke, eh? Never did anybody any harm, did it?"
....."That's all very well, sir, but I have to tell you there's a no smoking policy in this building and I really must ask you..."
....."Policy, policy! It's coming to something when a chap can't just smoke in peace without some jumped up..."
....."Now look sir, I really must insist..."
....."Oh, you must insist, must you? Just who do you think you are?"
....."Please sir, we don't want any trouble."
....."Trouble! Trouble? I'm only smoking, what's wrong with that?"
....."Come along sir, but I'm only doing my job. Now, if you really must persist in smoking, I'm going to have to get some assistance and have you removed."
....."Oh, You're going to throw me out, are you? We'll just see about that."
....."I'm sorry sir..."
....."Oh my god!"
....."Quick, someone, get some help!"
....."This is really too much! Really - first he sits there calmly smoking - then he bursts into flames!"
....."Come on, somebody help me. Get an extinguisher before he burns the whole place down."
Copyright © Scorpio Tales 1996. All rights reserved.
Home ~ The Stories ~ Diversions ~ Links ~ Contact